Women as incomers in the family

Kaidi Wu

110.03

Final Paper

Apr 27, 2012

Women as incomers in the family

Since God created Adam and Eve, men and women seem have already been set up to fit their roles. From generation to generation, women often play a role as wives and mothers, only cooking, doing the laundry and taking care of the children, and men play a role as husbands and fathers, working or fixing different things. However, times are progressing, nothing is changeless. As the saying goes, behind every successful man there's a woman. However, successful women are in the same situation, they also need a man to support them. Making money is no longer men’s job only, but also women’s. In America, more and more women have become the major provider of income in the family (Christina 103-10). Their husbands have to leave their jobs in order to support their wives and taking care of the family. Since more and more women joined the work force, the roles of men and women seem is not that limited. Women who work as a major provider of income is a double edge sword. Working women can support their family’s financial situation and prevent themselves getting depressed from doing monotonous housework, dependence on their husband for financial and emotional support, and it also increases self-respect (Christina 120-25). However, due to the traditional role of women, it might be a big threat to many women. Househusbands might feel their masculinity is being threatened, and their children might grow up differently in father’s love. Therefore, in order to maintain the family finding a balance between work and family is necessary.

Women, who are the providers of income, can provide a better life quality for their family and increase their self-esteem. Many women who choose to be a working mother rather than a fulltime housewife is due to the unstable economic scenario. Many families need two incomes in order to own a house and pay the bills. According to the article “The End of Men”, Hanna Rosin points out that due to women’s social intelligence, open communication and the ability to sit still, women are more likely do better in school than many men. Also, women dominate 13 job categories out of 15, and upper class women are creating more jobs for women who want to work in order to balance the American workforce and raising the social status for women (Rosin 195-196). As the Chinese saying goes “Money is not everything, but without money, everything is nothing.” In many industrial countries, raising a child is not cheap, and most parents want the best for their children. In order to send their children to receive a good education, women also need to participate in work.

Furthermore, women who work can prevent themselves getting depressed from repeating day after day housework and increase their self-respect. Women’s movement has been successful since 19th through early 20th centuries. Allowing women to work is one of the rights that feminists have been fighting for; therefore, many women chose to work to show themselves their ability to work and be independent. In the past, women had to stay at home and rely on their husband, because being a good housewife to support their husband was what they have been taught to do. However, many women have proved that women can do as well as men. For example, Carly Fiorina, the CEO of HP, was one of the most powerful women in business. She broke the myth that women cannot work well like men. According to the author Anders George, in the book “Perfect Enough: Carly Fiorina and the reinvention of Hewlett-Packard,” he talks about how Carly achieved her goal from graduating with Stanford University degree to the chief executive of Hewlett- Packard (George 59-63). She was famous not only because of her capability, but also Frank Fiorina, who is Carly’s husband, in order to support her, resigned from AT&T. This action has also caused a sensation at that time. Because traditionally, people are used to men working outside and women staying at home, Carly broke the stereotype of traditional women and also became an icon of modern women. Women also can socialize with their colleagues when they enter the workforce, rather than being at home doing monotonous housework. Therefore, women who work as income providers are good for themselves.

In addition, working women can also impact her family in different ways. On the one hand, workingwomen give their family members a chance to become more responsible. Unlike housewives, working women barely have time to do the housework; therefore, her husband will need to share responsible for the whole family along with their children. Many men in traditional families have to work for second job so that they can afford the cost of daily life. Since women are working to provide the second income, the husband does not have to work two jobs to support family; which allows, men will have more time to spend with their family. Furthermore, working women also are a role model for their children. Many children have been taught the value of hard working; as long as people work hard they can achieve the goal of success. As the saying goes “actions speak louder than words.” A woman who works will have a great impact when children see their parents work hard to maintain the family. However, children may grow up differently with father as the main caretaker. One of the most important influences is that when a man as a father usually teaches their children indirectly and they are not usually good at expressing feelings. Due to female’s maternity, they usually take good care of the children, therefore children usually feel much closer to their mother.  Nonetheless, according to the author Tess Kay, in the article “Where’s Dad? Fatherhood In Leisure Studies,” she maintains that infants who are educated by their father usually have a higher intelligence quotient. Fathers are more likely to be patient and stand the stresses and frustrations than women.  “The influence of a father also extends into children’s adolescence,” Kay states, “a good father can help his children to develop good eloquence while they are learning” (Kay 133-152). According to the article, the way fathers play with their children also affects their children’s emotional development. Children might grow up differently compared to who grew up in motherhood, but no matter in which way working women can always push their family to another better level.

Although working women have many great influences to themselves and families, a man who is being a househusband may feel his masculinity is being threatened. From ancient times to the present, men have always been seen as a symbol of power, independence and masculinity. A man who is working outside seems something that is right and proper. Therefore, many men still cannot accept the truth that they are staying home as a househusbands, in which they feel their masculinity is under threat. The characteristics of traditional masculine qualities are power, success, competent, responsible and in control. For most men, being a househusband is not only an embarrassment, but also a big sacrifice. Many househusbands feel they have lost their dignity of being a man, and also they have to give up their career, which is a big deal for most men. Some men even look at their career as the only priority in their life. Andrea Doucet, who is the author of the article “It's Almost Like I Have A Job, But I Don't Get Paid: Fathers At Home Reconfiguring Work, Care, And Masculinity,” states that social pressure is one of the reasons that makes househusbands feel most embarrassed.

Being a househusband is still extraordinary nowadays, many people find out there are some difficulties accepting this unconventional lifestyle. First, a househusband might face disrespect from relatives, neighbors and other rumors. For example, Richard, a French American who stayed at home to take care of his family in order to support his wife job. However, “I was often being called kept men at the first few year” Richard says, “ my neighbors think I don’t like a men” (Doucet 102-107). Due to the social standards, men who are staying home and don’t work will be consider weak and will not be respected. Second, a househusband may have a different impact on their children, especially for boys. According to Doucet, a survey shows that young children who had male as caretaker in their early age are usually smarter than other young children (Doucet 189-194). Third, due to the lack of time between husband and wife, the relationship might be in danger. Mike McManus, the author of “Why is America's divorce rate the highest in the world?” stats that women who are working outside usually have higher divorce rate than other type of families (McManus 4).  Even though there are many side effects for women to be the incomer and men stay at home taking care of the family, Doucet believes that people’s mentality is changing, although it is progressing slowly and eventually women working outside will be the new trend in the future.

A woman who works as an income provider in a family brings many advantages and disadvantages, yet, maintaining a harmonious family are the goal for parents. Therefore, finding the balance between work and family for working women is important. William K. Rawlins, who is a professor at Ohio University, suggests that working women, in order to balance the work and family, they should learn how to manage their time better. So even if they have a busy day they still can make some time for family. In addition, simplifying life and jobs is also a good way to balance work and family. Albert Einstein says, “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” Working women should set up a goal that is realizable for them and take a break once a while during the achieving process. Also, sharing the work with her partner if possible. Successful men need a woman of unknown, so do women as well (William 30-39).

            In conclusion, women who work as an income provider in family will still be a new thing to the society, which both have negative and positive influence to the family and society in many ways. However, the society is progressing, an increasing number of working women has appeared as a role model for modern women nowadays. Instead of judging those people who broke the stereotype that men cannot stay at home and support women, people should be more open-minded and tolerant. Being successful, independent and responsible are reference qualities for everyone. People should take a step backward instead of limiting people’s role, the world will be colorful if people can see from different views.

Work Cited 

Kay, Tess. "Where’S Dad? Fatherhood In Leisure Studies." Leisure Studies 25.2 (2006): 133-152. Academic Search Complete. Web. 16 Apr. 2012.

Doucet, Andrea. "It's Almost Like I Have A Job, But I Don't Get Paid": Fathers At Home Reconfiguring Work, Care, And Masculinity." Fathering: A Journal Of Theory, Research, & Practice About Men As Fathers 2.3 (2004): 277- 280. Academic Search Complete. Web. 16 Apr. 2012.

George, Anders. Perfect enough : Carly Fiorina and the reinvention of Hewlett-Packard / George Anders.. 1st. New York : Portfolio, 2003. 59-63. Print.

McManus, Mike. "Why is America's divorce rate the highest in the world?." Coldwater Daily. (2011): 4. Web. 1 May. 2012.

Medved, Caryn E., and William K. Rawlins. "At-Home Fathers And Breadwinning Mothers: Variations In Constructing Work And Family Lives." Women & Language 34.2 (2011): 30-39. Academic Search Complete. Web. 16 Apr. 2012

Rosin, Hanna “The End of Men”. Global Issues 11/12. Ed. Robert M. Jackson. New York:          McGraw-Hill, 2012. 195-196. Print.

Christina, Fisanick. Working women. 1st. Detroit : Thomson: Salem Press, 2008. 103-10. Print.